#13 What got you here, won’t get you there
How we think about things determines how we feel. How we feel about things determines what we do. What we do or don’t do creates our results.
The sum of those results creates our lives.
Once we understand how to categorize different things that are happening in our minds and in our lives we can see how our interpretation of these things determines what we experience in real-time.
For example, Let’s say it’s Tuesday:
I came into awareness that someone was “being unproductive in the breakroom”. Right after that, a stylist with a full book calls in sick and another stylist has a redo in her chair and the guest is being quite difficult.
I could choose the thought, “Well this is a shitty day.”
And with that thought, I’m going to feel a certain way. And when I’m feeling that way, I'm gonna act a certain way. And when I’m acting on the thought that it’s a shitty day, what results do you think I’ll experience?
Now let’s look at it from a different perspective but all the facts stay the same:
It’s Tuesday.
Someone was talking in the breakroom.
Someone called in sick.
There’s a redo in the salon.
I could choose the thought, “Man, I’m thankful Kristy and Jessica are here to help me divide and conquer.”
That thought, right when I think it, makes me feel supported. Why? Because I have people that are right there with me, that I can lean on. When I feel supported, I act a certain way. What do you think those results will look like?
Speaking from a psychology and science perspective… Your thoughts are what create your life.
They are very important sentences and we get to start to really pay attention to them. This can be harder than you think. So many of the thoughts we think seem really true, they seem factual so we don’t even recognize them as thoughts. That’s where we can start to coach ourselves.
This is definitely a process, but in this process, we only have to understand five things in order to be able to coach ourselves to grow past anything we’ve ever experienced. And we’re going to run through each of them with you.
Together, these 5 things together are called The Model:
#1 Circumstances
Things that happen in our lives and we have no control over them. Everyone in a court of law would have to declare that this statement is a fact. Not an opinion or thought. It must be a fact.
#2 Thoughts
These are 1 sentence statements. 1 SENTENCE. And never a question.
#3 Feelings
These are one-word descriptions of what’s happening in your body, these are caused by the thoughts you choose, not the circumstance.
#4 Actions
These are one-word descriptions of what’s happening in your body, these are caused by the thoughts you choose, not the circumstance.
#5 Results
What we see in our lives is an effect of how we act or behave. The result will always be evidence of the original thought. And the result is always about you!
Circumstance Examples:
Not a fact: These are thoughts/opinions/interpretations
My husband and I got into a huge fight this morning.
She was late for her appointment.
These prices are expensive
Facts: These are factual statements that everyone in a court would agree on.
My husband is aware that I spent $1,400 at Louis Vuitton this weekend.
She arrived at 12:20 to her 12:00 reservation.
The total investment for my new cut and color prices will be $450.
As you use the model and work on your thoughts, you will assume the position of the watcher. You will start to watch or observe your thoughts.
Doing this work is the best way to get out of your socially programmed thought patterns and identify with a deeper level of your mind.
Now let’s practice how to use the model for any situation that comes up.
Say you’re trying to find new team members to hire.
You’re first going to write down the unintentional model. This is a model created unintentionally in your mind. We do this all day every day. Assumption, opinion, and the opposite of fact can be all over these suckers.
Circumstance: 3 out of our last 5 new hires, quit after 10 months.
Thought: It’s hard to find people that want to work these days
Feeling: Defeated
Action: I look for evidence that I’m right and talk about it with others
Result: I continue with the same strategy of trying to find people and expect a different result.
Then you’ll write down the intentional model. This model will tell you the thoughts, feelings, and actions you need to create in order to arrive at the desired result. You get to start deciding what you want to think on purpose.
So, let’s look at the same exact circumstance but choose a thought that serves us (makes us feel better) and it’s one we believe.
Circumstance: 3 out of our last 5 new hires, quit after 10 months.
Thought: There may be an opportunity here where we can get to the bottom of this and change our approach.
Feeling: Curious
Action: I start digging. I do research. I find people that have grasped this and I connect with them.
Result: I start putting pieces together for our approach based on the info I’ve gathered. I launch the new strategy and learn from the results.
It is never the circumstance causing your feelings – it is always your thinking about the circumstance.
The whole point of this fancy talk is for you to understand that your feelings, actions, and results, all start with you and what you choose. It is so empowering to realize that every feeling, action, and result you have in life is created by a thought. Even just becoming aware of this is enough to change everything for you.